Kent Bewley's News Story Collection

Inspirational Thought of the Week

Double up
Three or four times, I ain’t tellin’ no lies, I just run it up
Never let a hard time humble us
Do-do-double up
I ain’t tellin’ no lies, I just (yeah)
I ain’t tellin’ no lies, I just

Five, four, three, two
That’s time I got to you
That money, my dreams come true
My life in diamonds, who knew?
Who knew?
Who knew?

“Double Up” by Nipsey Hustle

Here at Floundering Five headquarters, located in a place where doubling up occurs every time a slumber is taken(when it comes to usage of blankets), we have been considering the concept of being “doubled up” on in a scoreboard sense. In some sports it’s easier to be doubled up on the scoreboard by a final score of 2-1 or 4-2 or 6-3 or 8-4. But in football it’s a rarity for a team to win by the same margin as the score of their opponent. If you get doubled up in a football game, that is incredibly embarrassing. It just comes to show that you tried so hard and yet still lost by a huge margin, unless the final score is something like 14-7 or 20-10 or 26-13 or 28-14. Any scoring margin in a doubled-up game that’s more than 15 points is pretty bad, so that will be the topic of two teams who found themselves in that boat this week for the Coveted Fifth Spot.

There are a couple of holdovers from last week’s list, including one team who just fired its head coach after they couldn’t win a road game that they led by double-digits for the life of them. A couple of other bad teams make up the bottom of the list to complete the doubled-up bottom four of the NFL. So, let’s two-step our way into this odd list of doubled up losers, whose win-to-loss ratios can be as much as four times as wide. And that’s bad. Oh well, at least they have a place in these rankings of horrendous teams.

With apologies to Tyjae Spears, Ray-Ray McCloud III, Dylan Sampson, Eric Stokes, Dante Stills and Abner Doubleday, here are the post-Week 10 Floundering Five rankings for the 2025 NFL season.

1. Tennessee Titanic Buffoons(1-8)

So, these Buffoons are back in the top spot as they failed to cover the spread against the Flailing Byes of Open Week Inc. They are now the only NFL team with one win after the New Orleans Aints and New Yuck GlennJUTS got their second wins of the season. Being in a virtual three-horse race for determining who will be the ultimate top bottom team and win the “Golden Undies” award(symbolic to the garments that cover one’s tush), the Buffoons come out of their bye week to face a Houston Texthens team that they got shutout against in Weak 3. Then they have two other home games at the crumbling Nissan Stadium to complete a weird disjointed stretch of four straight home games on their schedule(disrupted by the bye week that occurred after they lost to the Lost Mangeles Dolts) in hosting the Seattle SamChickens and Jack In The Cracked Jags. All three of those teams are playoff contenders, something that seems so distant to this terrible team in NashBille. The Buffoons will have some potential BFOTW matchups later in the season against the Cleveland ClownShow and Aints, so there might be a chance for them to pick up a couple of wins to match their record of 3-14 from last season. But even that is pushing the envelope a little bit. Mike McCoy is going to have a heck of a time leading this incompetent team with a QB who misses playing in the college ranks already after one year. Life really don’t get easier when you go pro. It gets harder, a lot harder. At least the Music City has a great TV program on ABC called 9-1-1 Nashville, and that’s a perfect theme for the five-alarm fire of a football franchise that they have to deal with. Perhaps Chris O’Donnell could be a better owner or head coach for them. I don’t know. At least these Buffoons have won a game, but it was on the road, which is one more road win than the…

2. New Yuck FoolBall G.I-Ants(2-8)

Yep, these Fie Fi Foh Fumers made a gigantic decision after they suffered another road defeat in a game that they led by double-digits with less than five minutes left. They fired their head coach Brian Daboll, making him the second in-season head coach fired this season(joining Brian Callahan in Tennessee). I guess that if you’re a head coach named Brian, you are more likely to be fired at some point(just ask Brian Flores). The Big Tomater couldn’t keep his cool as his team unfortunately crumbled after choking a massive lead in Denver three weeks ago, then losing a road game down the I-95 against the Phatterdelphia Seagles and suffering a home loss wearing retro jerseys to the Sand Fransicko FortingMiners. The Army Ants held a decent lead over the Chicago Bores in a game that featured a load of failed fourth down conversion attempts in inclement and stormy weather in the Windy City. Jaxson Dart suffered a concussion on a fumble in the red zone and had to be taken out this time, leaving Rumpelstiltskin with a rare appearance to try and lift this team to victory. But sadly Big Blue couldn’t do anything offensively without Dart(or Skattebo or Nabers, they did settle for a 19-yard field goal by Younghoe Koo, who was kicking in his first game since being cut by the Atlanta ChokingBirds after a couple of huge missed kicks in Week 1) and Caleb Williams used his legs to gallop the Bores into the lead within a couple of minutes. The final drive led by Rump was unsuccessful as the G.I-Ants fell to 2-8 on the season. Only having won eight games since making it to the playoffs and winning against my redacted team in the Wild Card Round, New Yuck has sucked ever since and now have a worse record than their Jersey Swamp tenants in the New Yuck GlennJUTS(a record of 2-7 after a feel good win that will be discussed below). Only 11 wins and 33 losses since the 2023 season started. Yeah, that’s bad. And they have had to see their former offensive stars have success elsewhere(Daniel “Indiana” Jones’ success might be a worse pill to swallow than Saquon Barkley’s adventures in South Phatty). Mike Kafka will be the interim head coach as John Mara will seek to find his fifth head coach since Tom Coughlin stepped down in 2015. It’s been a rough decade for Army Ants fans who have seen their team descend into one of the worst sports franchises in the entire country.

3. Cleveland ClownShow(2-7)

At least G.I-Ant fans have had some periods of QB consistency during the past 10, 20 and 25 years. You can’t say that about the Cleveland Clowns, who continue to suffer defeat in odd fashions. Out of their bye week, the ClownShow played at JetLife Stadium against the New Yuck GlennJUTS, who were held in containment offensively by the strong Cleveland defense. Unfortunately in the special teams department the GlennJUTS scored a kickoff return TD(shoutout to former Viking Kene Nwangwu for doing that) and a punt return TD in the first quarter. That’s pretty embarrassing for the orange helmet team, which tried to keep things close but could barely muster up any points in the second half. In the end, the ClownShow lost by a score of 27-20 in losing a game by one possession. A mixture of close and blowout losses has these poor red-nose wearing fools still in last place in the AFC Norteh, where they usually reside in almost every season since 2010. Now at 2-7, the Clowns will host their old selves in the Beltimore RuffHens, who are on a rampage to try and take the division after starting out 1-5. With a high potential to finish with three wins yet again, Cleveland could join the teams above them in having consecutive seasons with the same low-mark in wins. Or they might slightly improve. After all, they did upset the Grinch Bay Fatkers in their modern Mistake By The Lake stadium that will be replaced with a dome in a suburb west of the city in a few years’ time. For now, the Clownies remain at the bottom and for however long they stay there we don’t know. At least they’ll make for good usage in this list going forward.

4. BradyDoors of the Punk Carroll Ark(2-7)

Back in this list for the third time this season, the Silver and BlackJack had a horrid showing along with the Denver Donkeys in primetime to open up Weak Ten. Both teams were flustered by the cold snap in Denver and also by some odd plays. An early opening drive TD by Ashton Jeanty was all that the Doors would get in this game offensively, as their defense did a remarkable job against Bo Nix, who had one of the worst performances for a QB on the winning side of a game in a long time. A load of punts and failed fourth down conversion attempts occurred between these AFC Wusst rivals. Along with missed kicks and interceptions, this game had it all when it came to sucking offensively. But Geno Smith took a major beating from the Orange Crush Defense Reincarnated and also suffered an oblique injury that forced Kenny PickettShovel into the game for a few snaps. Somehow, Geno returned and led the Punk Carroll Ark carriers into field goal range, only for Daniel Carlson to miss the game-tying kick wide right. Oddly enough, the determining play of this game occurred on special teams with a blocked punt by the Donkeys on AJ Cole leading to a red zone field goal made by Will Lutz, who is used to making game-winning kicks but not in the third quarter. Yikes. Now at 2-7, the BradyDoors will play a Monday night game at the DeathStar Stadium off the Vegas Strip against the Dellas CrudBoys(appropriately renamed after a horrible tragedy occurred with one of their players). Being at the bottom of the division again, this Silver and Black team could use some good luck as their schedule only gets harder from here. They might want to reassess their QB position and actually draft a top-tier passer in next year’s draft. But then again, there are some franchises that are a no-go zone for young QBs. Sadly, this eyepatched team is one of them, unless your name is Derek (Fast)Carr. Tracy Chapman be singing the blues while the costumed fans who used to go to games in Coliseums in Cali are feeling them. Womp womp!

5. Two Red-C Teams Get Doubled Up On The Scoreboard On A Sunday Afternoon/Early Evening On A Day When Two-Point Attempts Were All The Rage(0-a load of surrendered points)

So, on Sunday afternoon, there were a few games that ended up being absolute blowouts. A complete opposite of the morning games. But the teams who got blown out for the majority of their games at least came back to lose by the same score of twenty-two points. And they both scored that exact total of 22 points, so they were probably feeling the same way as Taylor Swift singing that song as part of her “Red” album. It also happens that both of these teams have that color with shades of scarlet and burgundy in them. How fitting. And they have both played so bad that they were finally worthy to be in the Coveted Fifth Spot(one of them was in the CFS in the Halloween edition of these rankings). So, let’s see who these teams are and how they both lost by the exact same score on the same day that a “Scoragami” event occurred with the rare final score of 36-29 occurring for the first time ever in an NFL game.

First we have the game that started at 1:05 pm PT but went way longer than it needed to between the Arizona WhiteyBirds and the Seattle SamChickens. Both of these birdie divisional rivals in the NFC Wusst were facing off for the second time this season, with Arizona losing that game by a one-score margin(something that all five of their previous defeats have been). The WhiteyBirds had Jacoby Brissett at QB after Kyler Murray had been placed on IR with a foot injury suffered in Weak Five against the Titanic Buffoons in a choke job loss caused by Emari Demercado fumbling the ball at the goal-line “DeSean Jackson” style. Coming off a Monday night win over the Dellas CrudBoys, Arizona looked to carry those good vibes over to a place where they have struggled to win for a long time in Seattle, Washington. The SamChickens were coming off a blowout victory over the other Red-C team and they were looking to keep their hold on first place in the NFC Wusst intact. Early on, after a TD pass by Sam Darnold to Jaxon Smith-Njigba(who said a cuss word on national TV when these two teams played at the Big Toaster Stadium in September), Brissett got strip sacked and DeMarcus Lawrence ran the ball back for a TD. Insanely enough, that happened again after another Seattle TD and in the second quarter. So, Mr. Lawrence got to celebrate in both end zones. What a feat. Due to those unfortunate strip sacks, the WhiteyBirds got into a hole they couldn’t fly themselves out of as they were down 35-0 through one and a half quarters of action. Eventually, Arizona scored on a TD run by Greg Dortch and started holding the SamChickens to field goals or less. Their offense had failed attempts in scoring TDs on fourth downs, but they got a couple of turnovers off Darnold and turned those into TDs. But in the end the WhiteyBirds lost 44-22 in a long dragged out game to get swept in yet another season series against their Pacific Northwest rivals. At 3-6, this redbird team of the desert has a similar record to the other Red-C team.

The DC Brigade of CommandSkins has had a rough 10 games so far in the 2025 season, as they lost their star QB Jayden Daniels to *another* injury in a primetime home game. A broken non-throwing arm that could have been prevented had Dan Quinn pulled the plug and brought in his veteran backup QB Marcus Mariota, aka the Hawaiian Heisman. Now Mariota was making his fourth start of the season in having his team host the Dumtroit Flyins in a rematch of last season’s NFC divisional round matchup which was won by the Daniels-led Commies. Unfortunately on this day, Gamblin’ Dan Campbell decided to take over playcalling duties and wearing those glasses of his led to some good scores for Dumtroit, which built an early lead of 22-3 over the CommandSkins. Scoring on all eight of their full offensive drives, the Flyins continued exposing the weak defensive for the “DC team”, including when Da’Ron Payne decided to take a swing at Amon-Ra St. Brown and got ejected from the game for his bad behavior. That occurred in the second quarter, right before a halftime ceremony where the 47th (and formerly 45th) president of the United States gave a nice ceremony to young future service members being sworn in to take the oath of command in the armed forces that was soured due to the majority of selfish fans in attendance booing a man that they have been so deranged over in the past decade or so. Besides that moment, the CommandSkins at least scored a TD when Donald John Trump decided to join the broadcast booth for one drive that the Mariota-led offense had. They went for two to get down by 14 points and that attempt failed. An odd blocked extra point by the Commies on Jake Bates was a good moment, but one that also led to an obscure final score. After a TD was scored by the home team in the fourth quarter, they decided to go for two and got a second chance to break the end zone after their first attempt failed. But they could not score on the second chance and they would have remained down by three possessions regardless of the decision made by Kliff Kingsbury and the high school gym teacher Mr. Quinn. Dumtroit got a late field goal attempt to wrap up the scoring and increase their tally to 44 points. The tally for the CommandSkins, you might ask? Well, it happened to be 22 points. So, it was the same final score as the game that occurred in Washington state. Wow. What are the odds of that? Well, pretty good if you have both teams attempting two-pointers like no tomorrow. In fact, there were 12 two-point conversion attempts on Sun, Nov 9 and only three of them were successful. Take that for what it’s worth to the bank.

Both of the Red-C teams have only three wins and their playoff odds are shrinking fast like blood does after it is contained at the surface of a wound. The YellowBeaks play against the banged-up FortingMiners team at home, while the CommandSkins have a road game in Madrid against another 3-7 team in the Miami Delphins, who pulled off a surprising but not too shocking upset over the BufferLow HillBillies. So, it’s the same record for both teams in a Blanket Fight of the Week: Ay Caramba Edition. That’s all for these two Red-C teams who may or may not find themselves in future rankings of the FF.

• Waiting List: New Yuck GlennJUTS(beating Ohio teams only), New Orleans Aints, The Team Who Lost To The Aints After Winning A Massive Road Game, Getting Beat After Committing Eight False Starts… On Your Home Field, Choking A 19-Point Lead Against A Division Rival Who Started A Backup QB, Getting Embarrassed In Primetime With Low Scoring Performances(And Joining The BradyDoors In That Nasty Boat), Losing In Deutschland In OT, Late Bye Weeks, Playoff Probability Models Changing Week-By-Week