Inspirational Thought of the Week

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces every time
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

‘Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work on a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

“Bad Day” by Daniel Powter

Here are Floundering Five headquarters, located in a place where bad days occur occasionally, we have been considering the prospect of immunity. Like how long can teams remain immune from entering this list where they are roasted? It seems this year that there are some excellent teams who have done so well that they have exempted themselves from the FF. The Denver Donkeys have the longest active winning streak in the NFL to themselves now at 11 games in a row. The New VrabelLand PottyHats may have lost, but they have still skirted away from this list in looking more like themselves from the Brady-Belichick era. The Seattle SamChickens have mostly avoided the scourge of the Coveted Fifth Spot, other than a quick mention in the Week 11 kicker conundrum. But there are teams who had immunity for years in being protected from the Floundering Five that have now collapsed like a bunch of Jenga blocks inevitably do. Case in point: the team who was supposed to rule the NFL as overlords for many years to come and their reign has come to a swift and abrupt end. After all, NFL stands for Not For Long.

So that will be a fun analysis along with two other teams with hotshot QBs who have failed miserably to live up to the expectations of dethroning the now-fallen Kingdom in the Heartland. As for the rest of the list, the members from this week are mostly the same as the members from last week, with one exception from a desert wasteland. That will be fun to break down. Now in the spirit of bad days, there must always be some sort of will to keep going as brighter days are ahead. But before those days come, the bad days must occur and for how long nobody knows. You just gotta keep on grinding through them until something sticks. Like glue or sticky tape. But oh boy do these teams need a lot of that. Like Super Mega Ultra Supreme Gorilla Glue/Tape to solve all their problems. Let’s stick our way into this mess.

With apologies to Tonka Hemingway, Rico Payton, Brenden Bates, Jacoby Brissett, Mike Gesicki, Clyde Edwards-Helaire and Willie Gay Jr, here are the post-Week 15 Floundering Five rankings for the 2025 NFL season.

1. BradyD00rs of the Punk Carr0ll Ark(2-12)

So, the Silver and BlackJack traveled to Phatty to take on the Seagles in Weak 15 and they had former backup QB to Jalen Hurts in Kenny PickettShovel make the start because Geno Smith was battered and bruised from a couple of injuries from his most recent game. Unfortunately for the Doors, they couldn’t muster up much offense at all at the Linc. In fact, for the second time this season, they scored zero points. Both of those instances have come against last season’s STUPID Bowl participants, as they didn’t hold onto the ball for that many drives(eight of them) and only managed to gain 75 yards, most of them on a drive that ended in a turnover on downs after an opening drive TD by Phatty. Meanwhile, their defense gave up four touchdowns to the Seagles and nearly had a fifth surrendered if not for a dropped pass by Dallas GotDirt. So, now at 2-12, the Punk Carroll Ark carriers will play a pre-Christmas game against the Houston Texthens, who have rebounded from an 0-3 start to be in contention for the AFC Sourth division title for the third straight season. Meanwhile, an active eight-game losing streak has occurred for this once great team from the past and they might hopefully win one of their last two games at the DeathStar Stadium. One thing that the hopelessly wild fans of the BradyDoors should be happy about is the fact that they are only four games out of last place this year. That is not the biggest deficit facing a last-place team in the NFL from third place. That title belongs to a team a bit further on the list, so keep on reading for that.

2. New Yuck FatBall G.I-Ants(2-12)

Next up are the Army Ants, who are now tied with the BradyDoors for the longest active losing streak after they lost a home game at JetLife Stadium against the WokeShington CommandSkins, who managed to end their eight-game losing streak with some efficient offensive performances and a lucky punt return TD. Jaxson Dart tried to keep Big Blue(wearing their throwback home jerseys from their glory days in the 80s and early 90s, in which they have lost every one of the games where they have worn their throwback threads) in the fight and he thankfully didn’t get hit hard when running recklessly. But he still put himself at risk for getting hit, so that’s a negative. There were one or a few Army Ants fans dressed as the Grinch, and that usually occurs at all football stadiums this time of year regardless of what the record of the team is. But wearing a Grinch mask to display your displeasure of how bad your team currently is must have been a bright idea this time of year. If only Dr. Seuss had never come up with the Grinch, then maybe people would be dressing up as Ebenezer Scrooge instead. Bah humbug indeed. The kicking game did no favors for the Army Ants either, as Younghoe Koo missed two field goals(that he was actually able to kick in the windy North Jersey climate) and Dart threw an interception that led to an end of half field goal made by the CommandSkins, who might have guaranteed that the Fe Fi Foh Fumers would finish in last place for the second straight season. Still some work to do for WokeShington and New Yuck has three opponents with “substandard” records left on their schedule. Next week they will host My Minnesota Vikings Who Might Have Destroyed The Dellas CrudBoys’ Playoff Hopes and then they will have a Blanket Fight of the Week: Mega Bowl/Potential Golden Undies Title Game against the BradyDoors of the Punk Carroll Ark. Then they close out with a home game against Dellas. If they lose out, then the Army Ants will have their worst record in franchise history, topping last season’s disaster. Plus they remain only one game back of the GlennJUTS, so there’s a chance for them to finish with a better record among New Yuck Schitty Teams. Man, if only they had actually stayed in the Big Apple. Well, 50 years later, it seems that decision was wise considering the state of affairs in the New Yuck boroughs.

3. CleveLand ClownShow(3-11)

So, the greatest ClownShow from Northeast Ohio followed up their 29-point losing performance to the Tennessee Titanic Buffoons with a three-point showing in the frigid cold conditions at Soldier Field against the Chicago Bores, who picked off SHEdeur Sanders not once, not twice, but thrice. The Clowns offense tried their best, but they came up short of the end zone versus Chicago. I also realized that the Bores needed to lose out and the Vikings had to win out in order for my favorite team up north to have a chance of making the playoffs, so Tennessee’s game against the Sand Fransicko FortingMiners had no bearing on the very slim playoff hopes for MinuteSoda. Caleb Williams did well against the ClownShow defense, which has Myles Garrett on the edge of the single-season sack record. In fact, Caleb made a clever move in going down to the turf with the ball on a play where Garrett could have tied the sack record with a touch sack. But the statisticians didn’t rule it a sack, making the possibility of number 95 matching and passing the sack record possible in the next couple of weeks when the ClownShow plays their final set of home games this season at their crumbling modern DawgPound stadium. Next week they host the BufferLow HillBillies, meaning that they have to face Josh Allen. Kind of hard to sack a mobile QB like him, but in Weak 17 Garrett will have a very good shot to get it against the feet-of-stone QB known as Aaron Charles Rodgers. If all else fails, it will come down to a Weak 18 potential BFOTW Ohio Skibidi Suckity Edition against the Cincinnata Burrows and Joe Burreaux. So, I give Garrett a good chance to pass T.J Watt and Michael Strahan for the single-season sack record. At least the Clowns fans have that to root for. Not much else, as another three-win season is in the cards for this blundering franchise.

4. Arizona WhiteyBirds(3-11)

After a full three months of waiting and a couple of CFS appearances(probably only one from the double up edition), the Arizona professional football team has finally entered the top/bottom four for this season. After a 2-0 start to their season with wins against NFC Sourth opponents, things were looking quite rosy for this RedSea team. Instead, they went down as they lost a couple of close division games and had a chokejob loss at home to Tennessee because one of their running backs made the classic mistake of accidentally dropping the ball short of the goal line. Ever since that instance, no home wins have occurred for the Crudinals, who lost Killer Kyler Murray to a tough foot injury and they have kept him on the bench since as they accepted reality as a team in rebuild. Their only win in this weather season of autumn came against the Dellas CrudBoys on Monday night football in Weak 9 as Jacoby Brissett led them to a shocking victory at JerryWorld Stadium. They were looking for a repeat of that luck against the Houston Texthens, who have been on a scorching stretch this “fall”. But the Texthens had other plans as they scored a load of points out of the gates, including on what appeared to be an intentional botched snap that rolled all the way over to Woody Marks, who ran and bounced into the end zone. Brissett tried his best to keep Arizona in it, with touchdown passes to Trey MCBRIDE(!) and Michael Wilson. But the WhiteyBirds’ defense could not contain C.J Stroud and the Houston offense from putting up 40 points on their sorry booties. Another double-up instance, as a 40-20 score was the final. Six straight wins from the Texthens, and six straight losses from the desert pigeons. The next game for this team who plays in an elegant Big Toaster stadium will be their last home game in a Blanket Fight of the Week: RedBird Pain Edition against the Atlanta ChokingBirds, who managed to win a game against the Tampa Bay CremiscleNeers where they committed 19 penalties and had a couple of instances of fumbling balls that they somehow recovered. So, that will be interesting. The YellowBeaks are like last season’s BradyDoors in being a zillion games back of the third-place team in their division, as the NFC Wusst is in its top heavy era in leaving Arizona in the dust. Like 7/8 games in the dust. With no division wins, that scenario makes perfect sense for the YellowBeaks, who might be looking to move on from Murray and draft another potential franchise-saving QB. They might be back in the playoff fold… in 2027, due to the every sixth-year conundrum since 2009 and whenever the Vikings come to town to play the Crudinals in Glendale(since they moved to that suburb of Phoenix), they somehow make the playoffs. Perhaps that could happen as soon as next season, but the Vikings still have a chance not to finish in last place in the NFC Norteh. Tough luck there for the red desert birdies who used to call two MIDwest cities their home way back when.

5. A Trio Of AFC Teams With Hotshot QBs Get Eliminated From Playoff Contention In Weak 15, Featuring The Painful End Of A Dynasty In The Heartland(0-a load of Fake Bowl votes being digitally cast)

So, for this week’s CFS, we return to the theme that has been haunting the NFL these past few weeks of teams being eliminated or in danger of being mathematically eliminated from playoff contention. In this case, we have three teams with QBs in the same conference who have been jockeying against each other for years on end. One of them has been the dominant kingpin, but his reign of power is coming to a temporary pause. Then, we have two QBs who their teams have failed to adequately build around them as they have fallen in divisions with much better teams than the ones that they are on. On the same second weekend of December 2025, all three of the teams associated with the hotshot quarterbacks who have been coddled with a silver spoon seemingly for their whole careers thus far were all eliminated. Let’s see who these teams are and how each of them were eliminated.

Firstly, we have the Cincinnata Burr0ws, who failed to score against the Beltimore RuffHens in a last-ditch effort to stay in the race for the AFC Norteh. The striped kitty cats fell against the HillBillies the week before and now they have clinched double-digit losses for the first time since 2020. The cold and frigid conditions at the Jungle were not that favorable in terms of scoring points, but the RuffHens managed to score two touchdowns in the second quarter and then picked off Joe Burreaux for a pick-6 that included the guy who intercepted the ball handing it off to a fellow teammate capable of going the distance. Overall, it was a miserable frigid day in Cincinnata as the Bungles missed the playoffs for the third straight season. Talk about a fall from grace since losing in the AFC title game three years ago at formerly-known-as BurrowHead Stadium. The Burrows finished in last place in 2023 and will finish in third place at least for a second straight year. They could finish in last should the Cleveland ClownShow surpass them in Weak 18. But overall a disastrous season due to Burrow missing a lot of games and the defense for Cincy stinking so bad. Zac Taylor’s seat is pretty hot right now and whether he gets the boot or not is unknown. But there are trade rumors for Burrow to leave his home area team for a better opportunity to compete. He might have made some controversial comments relating to that, but he brushed them off. If only he could do that to himself after getting hurt.

Now to the centerpiece of this situation, the Kansas City Chefs have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention after losing to the Lost Mangeles Dolts and three teams that were ahead of them and held tiebreakers on them all winning in the same time window. Not only did the Chefs lose a rare home game to the Lost Mangeles Dolts(who almost beat KC last season at Arrowhead), but they also lost Patrick MaHonEs to a horrific torn ACL in their last chance drive and Gardner Minshew came in to try and lead a potential game-tying drive but he went for the win and threw an interception that sealed off the game. Other tough moments include Tyquan Thornton getting his head banged on a helmet-to-helmet hit by a Dolts defender who got ejected and flipped off the GeeHaw Field crowd. Also, MaHonEs threw a crucial red zone interception before suffering that tough injury that ended his season in the fourth quarter. And to put an ugly cherry on top of all of this, the Chefs scored no second half points. None. Zero. Nil. Zilch. Yeah, that’s bad. Two consecutive home losses in tough fashion to teams whom you have collectively owned over the past several years is a perfect way for your season to come crumbling down after a lot of one-possession losses, mostly on the road. Now at 6-8, KC will just hope to finish above .500 and another loss could ruin that. Other than games against FF stalwarts Tennessee and Lost VegAss, the Chefs will be hosting a now-awkward Christmas Day nightcap against the Denver Donkeys, who might have a chance to clinch the AFC Wusst division title and also home-field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs on that night. How crazy is that? After using all that demon magic to win in odd and peculiar ways last season, the Kingdom is out of luck and now out of the playoff field for the first time since 2014. Wow, ain’t that a while ago? For most people, but not for me.

Finally, we had the Miami Delphins add their name to the list of eliminated playoff teams on Monday night football. Following a 2-7 start, the Phins won four consecutive games to keep their slight chances of contention in the highly competitive Wild Card field alive. But they were beaten down in cold and frosty weather against the RodgersBurgh Stellers, who had a splendid night as three of their legendary legends from the early 21st century were inducted into their Ring of Honor at halftime. It didn’t help that Tua Tagovailoa threw his league-leading 15th interception of the season in the first quarter and an field goal by Riley Patterson only put MyAmMe up for a short period of time until Aaron Rodgers got going offensively and led four straight touchdown drives that pushed the lead up to 28-3. The DolphLundgrens scored a couple of late touchdowns and had two failed 2-point attempts in losing 28-15. Still with a chance to finish above .500 or with the same record(8-9) as they had last season is quite impressive. Meanwhile, the college football team that they share a stadium with is in the College Football Playoff after some controversy over whether the U or Notre Dame should be in the playoff. And obviously a head-to-head result from a game on Labor Day weekend gave the edge to the Hurricanes. The Convicts got in over the Catholics, showing how things have changed when it comes to feelings towards both those groups since the 1980s. Mike “Squints” McDaniel has probably done well enough to keep his job for another year, but as for HawkTua, he is in danger of getting benched due to his poor offensive stats. The Phins defense has done pretty good and is the reason why their four-game winning streak was a thing. And ironically, they play against the Burrows next week and Joe Burreaux is refusing to shut himself down after missing a total of nine games with a turf toe injury. Zach(or Jack) Wilson is the immediate backup behind Tagovailoa and he could make his first start since 2023 next week. For now, MyAmMe is a floundering mess and at least some of their fans have the new SpongeBob movie coming out on Friday to look forward to. Even though it’s more pirate themed, as the Flying Dutchman appears to be the main antagonist in the movie. Anyhow, that’s all I got for this CFS Eliminated teams edition. There could be more teams joining in on this list pretty soon in recent weeks, including next week’s Christmas/Yuletide Sucker edition.

• Waiting List: Tennessee Titanic Buffoons, New Yuck GlennJUTS, The Team Who Is Spoiling The Race For 💩 Mountain Who Has To Play Against Three Non-Playoff Teams To Close Out Its Season, Captain Bowles’ Sailor-Mouth Presser After A TNF Chokejob, Losing On Sunday Night At Home And Seeing Your Playoff Hopes End Potentially On Saturday The 20th, Giving Up 40+ Points In A Must-Win Game, Losing Your Star Defensive Player To An ACL Tear(Go Figure!), Blowing A 21-0 Lead On Your Home Field In Failing To Clinch Your Division, Christmas Gift Shopping Stress