Kent Bewley's News Story Collection

Inspirational Thought of the Week

Very superstitious writings on the wall
Very superstitious, ladders ’bout to fall
13-month-old baby, broke the looking glass
Seven years of bad luck, the good thing is in your past

When you believe in things that you don’t understand
Then you suffer
Superstition ain’t the way

“Superstition”, by Stevie Wonder

Here at Floundering Five Headquarters, located in a place where superstitious tendencies occur all the time when it comes to clothing and other things, we have been wondering what the meaning of Halloween is all about when it comes to football games. We see fans dress up in costumes all the time, regardless of the time of year, but for Halloween you see people dress up as zombies, witches and other monsters. When a game is occurring during the night of Halloween, you have to pause it and give candy to the little kids who knock at the door and say “Trick-or-treat!” I believe that is incredibly inconvenient and it’s a blessing that you have the ability to pause the game(if you have the fortitude to do so) when someone comes knocking at your door. The night of October 31 is the only night where you can appropriately knock on someone’s door and ask for something in return(but not everyone will answer the door, so you have to choose wisely, maybe go for the houses that are decorated and not go to the ones that are not). As for the teams who have played this past week(which is usually Halloween Week, but comes one week before All Hallow’s Eve), some of them got treats in beating out teams by a lot of points while others got tricked into thinking they weren’t that bad but actually are THAT BAD.

One of these teams remain in the list from the past few weeks, while a new trio of teams returns to the list after suffering some tough defeats. But a strange thing occurred in this eighth week in the NFL season. Teams who entered this week with 3 wins on their record did not win at all. There were four teams who had three wins on their record and all four of those teams lost their games. Three of them on the road, one of them at home in embarrassing fashion. The trio on the road were blown out in losing by twenty-plus point margins, while the team at home lost by one point to… the worst team in the league. This ungodly quad of losers would definitely lead those who believe in superstition to believe it even more, while there are those who wouldn’t give this a second thought. But we believe in the former and not the latter. So, let’s bounce into this spooky, (not-so)-scary and ghoulish edition of the FF.

With apologies to Julius Chestnut, Ugo Amadi, Easton Mascarenas-Arnold, Cam Skattebo(o), Javon Hargrave, Cam Sample, and Darnell Savage, here are the Halloween Edition Floundering Five rankings for the 2025 NFL season.

1. Tennessee Titanic BooFoons(1-7)

So, this team formerly known as a vulgar slur towards a woman’s “assets” ended up losing in horrendous fashion again to Indy’s HorseShoe Hippies, who became the first team to seven wins this season. The BooFoons gave up three rushing TDs to Jonathan Taylor, who continued making his early bid for MVP with an outstanding performance. Daniel “Indiana” Jones ended up doing well throwing balls in a similar fashion to how the famous fictional archaeologist adventurer uses his whip to crack back and defend himself. Cam Ward unfortunately continued his sour rookie season and the team from TennisSee lost big again to their rather northern rivals. Now at 1-7, the Titanic BooFoons have seen one of their mates jump ship as they released Tyler Lockett, who has reunited with Punk Carroll in Viva Las Vegas. Their next opponent will be at home in crumbling old Nissan Stadium as they host the Lost Mangeles Headless Horsemen, who are looking rather good after hitting a low point in their final seasons in San Diago a decade ago. The BooFoons are looking like a bunch of lost ghosts who can’t seem to get their act right, and it’s gonna be that way for a while in being back in the top bottom spot due to a surprising result in another game that we shall explain way below this one.

2. New Orleans VooDoo Aints(1-7)

So, the Aints are back in this list after they only managed to score three points against the Tampa Bay SkullSailers, who didn’t look much better in the first half but got their pirate ship sailing well enough in the second half. Three drives that ended in turnovers in the first half, including a pick-six, isn’t going to get you much wins in this league. The RattlerSnake found out the hard way that if you want to be a starting QB in this league, you have to win games. Only winning once in around 15 starts dating back to last year, Rattler was finally benched for Tyler Shough, who looked like he had been shook out of a coffin to play in this game. Other than a weird whistle that negated a run back touchdown by Antoine Winfield Jr(that’s the second time something like that has occurred at the StupidDome, which has been alleged to harbor dark spirits), New Orleans looked as crappy as ever as they failed to score a touchdown in this divisional game in the NFC Sourth, which is starting to look like itself after the other two teams in the division were blown out at home. At 1-7, the Aints must now garner up some voodoo magic to prepare themselves for a road game against the Lost Mangeles DemonGoats at SoFi Stadium. Anytime they play that team, the dark memory of the non-pass interference call that potentially cost them a trip to the STUPID Bowl and a chance at winning another title comes back into the brains of fans of the Fleur-de-Lis cult. Nothing has been good for them since that fateful day and that absolutely horrific no-call. The day before the Aints play will be All Saints Day, meaning Sunday will be All Souls Day. Their fans who dress up in horrifying dark costumes better pray to the Lord to have their souls be saved from damnation, or to have their team improve eventually when they find their next Drew Brees, who was a free agent acquisition. This team really doesn’t know how to draft a QB, and that ain’t good. Booooo!!!

3. Cleveland ClownShow- not to be confused with IT- Welcome to Derry(2-6)

Speaking of which, we now go to the greatest ClownShow in northeast Ohio, which is back after losing their zillionith road game in a row in getting beaten by the New VrabelLand MusketMen, which is ironic since Mike Vrabel was just working for the Clowns last year as a special advisor. Last season, Cleveland only won three games, so Mr. Vrabel didn’t quite bring the improvement they were expecting in BelieveLand. On Sunday the 26th, the Clowns had a chance to get a shock win in Foxboro, something they hadn’t done in forever. But they got beat by the Muskiots in spite of Myles Garrett sacking Drake Maye five times! That’s unreal. Throwing a pick-6 doesn’t help matters either and being sacked for a safety near the end of the game wasn’t good either for Dillon Gabriel, who has shown he isn’t a good QB on the road so far in the NFL. After beating the Miami Dragos in a blowout at home, the ClownShow suffered their 12th straight loss on the road and head into their bye week at 2-6. The next time they play will be against an AFC Least team that just pulled off a crazy good upset in the southern part of their creepy state of OHIO. One more thing, this ClownShow has nothing to do with the horror series IT- Welcome to Derry now streaming on HOBO Max, featuring the creepy demonic clown monster Pennywise. That’s a fitting name for fans of the orange helmet team, as they have been left spiritually impoverished by the many years of sucking that their team has gone through. Not sure if that will change anytime soon, as evidenced by their constant presence on this list of losers.

4. New Yuck FrightBall G.I-Ants(2-6)

Now onto this Big Blue team, which was coming off a tough chokejob loss to the Denver DarkHorsies that was featured in last week’s Coveted Fifth Spot special. The FrightBall Army Ants marched down south to take on the Phatterdelphia SeaGhouls and they thought that they would beat the Kelly-Green wearing birdies. Instead, they got their eyes pecked out and also got hosed by the refs due to a couple of controversial calls, including one on a Tush Push that clearly had Jalen Hurts lose the ball by having it ripped out of his hands by Kayvon Thibodeaux, but instead the refs blew the whistle in ruling forward progress, which is forward b.s. Brian Daboll was pretty mad at that as a touchdown was scored by the haunting spirit of Saquon Barkley a couple of plays later. A horrifying thing that occurred in the second quarter was when Cam Skattebo(o) was tackled down at midfield and his left foot was bent in an awkward position. A very nasty thing to see on TV and he would have to be carted off in a cast around his foot. That’s tough luck for Jaxson Dart, who lost his rookie best bud to a terrifying injury. A tough 38-20 loss keeps these Stompers in last place, with their next game coming against the patchworked mummy team known as the Sand Fransicko FortingMiners. Also, the Army Ants have not won a game in Phatty since 2013, when horror movies such as The Conjuring, Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters and the Curse of Chucky came out. Yikes. That’s a long time ago. And I thought Dellas was a house of horrors for New Yuck in the NFC Least. Nope, the Link is as well.

5. A Horrendous Quad Of Three-Win Teams All Lose In Weak Ate, From ThorsDay Night Frights To Monday Night Lights(0-a bunch of superstitious stuff)

So, now we are onto this frightening edition of the Coveted Fifth Spot, where teams that entered this week with three wins exactly were all defeated. With the middle of the season coming close, this week was huge for teams with mediocre records to know where they stand in the developing playoff pictures in both conferences. And with records at or around .500, winning at this stage of the season is important for those teams. Unfortunately for them, they all lost and most of them in frightening blowout fashion on the road and for one of them in shocking tight fashion at home. Who are these teams and more importantly what are their Halloween-themed nicknames? You’ll find out right below.

First we begin on the Thursday night of October 23, when the Minnesota ViQueens of the Dead took on the Lost Mangeles Headless Horsemen, who managed to put up 37 points and sack Carson Wentz into the ground. An unfortunate reversal of a pick-6 that could have led to a touchdown was a rough momentum swing as the L.M offense drove downfield and scored an opening drive TD. That set the tone for the rest of the game along with ineffective pass rush and passing defense against the bionic arm of Justin Herbert, who was dressed in navy blue that looked like black to the colorblind eye. Thus, the ViQueens were buried and barely had any momentum to score a touchdown as they were blown out at the house of horrors known as SoFine Stadium by a score of 37-10. Dropping below .500 and staying in last place in the NFC Norteh, the Minnesota DeadWalkers must find a way to resurrect their magic of luck and have J.J McCarthy return to save them from another mediocre season that ends short of the playoffs(as opposed to the ones that actually end in the playoffs). It won’t help going into another Haunted House in the Motor City against the Dumtroit Flyin Monkeys, but what is easy in the land of the living? Not much if you ask me.

Now onto Sunday morning(or early afternoon) of the 26th of October, where the Cincinnata Boongles hosted the New Yuck GlennLins and they were expected to win this game to go up to 4-4 through their first eight games. A lot of points were scored early on by the Boongles offense, with Joe Flacco continuing the resurrection of his once-decent self by leading three touchdowns drives in the first half. However, New Yuck stuck around in getting a good-luck field goal made by Nick SpookyFolk at the end of the half to be down by only 11 points. Another red zone drive for the GlennLins offense ended short of the end zone, forcing another honest settling of a field goal. A massive TD run by Samaje Perine gave Cincy a 15-point lead, but the New Yuck offense had a good solid drive led by Justin Fields(who responded with a spooktacular performance after his team’s owner condemned his awful play in recent weeks) and it ended with a TD run by Breeeeece Hall. Aaron Glenn decided to go for a two-point conversion in spite of being down by nine and the gamble worked out. Down by seven points now, the GlennLins were making this a close game in the Jungle of No Defense. However, the Boongles responded in kind with a solid TD drive that put the score back up at 14 points. The Gangrene offense didn’t back down as a fourth and short conversion was followed by another solid TD run by Breeece and then a two-point conversion was attempted again. Now this one was a real gamble. If they didn’t get it here, the GlennLins would have to attempt a two-pointer again if they scored another touchdown. Fields scrambled and threw a pass as he was falling to his knees to Isaiah Davis, who caught the ball but was ruled short of the goal-line. However after a replay assist review, the head ref Scott Novak(who looks like a mummy fossil) announced that the ball had crossed the goal line when the catch by Davis was made and the conversion was good. Now down by six points, New Yuck was putting serious pressure on the Cincy offense to put the game away, which they were not able to do at all. Following a sack on Flacco, the GlennLins got the ball back in good field position and Fields led another drive into the red zone, where a trick play was drawn up after the two-minute warning where Hall ran around with the ball and then motioned to pass it, which he did to the back of the end zone, where tight end Mason Taylor caught the ball. The touchdown tied the game and the extra point was made by Folk to give the Gang Green team the lead. They might have scored “too soon”, as the Boongles still had time to get into field goal position for Evan McPherson to win it. But Cincy came up short of field goal range with an incomplete pass by Flacco ending the game. The Boongles had lost another home game where their offense scored a load of points only for their defense to give up more points on the scoreboard. Talk about a nightmare there. No matter if the QB is Joe Burrow or Joe Flacco, Cincy can’t seem to win enough on their crumbling home field. That’s a very scary premonition indeed.

Now we go forward into the afternoon window where the Dellas Chainsaws took on the Denver DarkHorsies and got beat by the horsy team. A vaquero ain’t a vaquero without a caballo and the caballos stamped over the Chainsaws with a load of offense from Bo Nix, who had a good encore performance after his thrilling fourth quarter comeback staged versus the FrightBall G.I-Ants. The Dellas offense couldn’t keep up as a couple of interceptions thrown by Dak Prescott didn’t help matters either. The non-existent defense for the Chainsaws showed as they couldn’t stop the stampeding DarkHorsies, who were wearing their Orange Crush retro uniforms. After getting an early interception against Nix, the Dellas defense gave up scores on seven of the next nine drives and gave up 44 points overall. Joe Milton III led a TD drive in garbage time for the Chainsaws, who only mustered 24 points in the Mile High breath-stealing environment. The living fossil known as Jerry Jones might be regretting his daring move to trade away his star defender in Micah Parsons as the defense for his squad has put up a lot of fruitless performances so far this season. Now at the odd record of 3-4-1, the Chainsaws will return home for a lameo undercard Monday night matchup against the Arizona BloodyBirds, who have lost five games in a row but their offense could make the game a shootout due to how bad the Dellas defense has been at home since last season. A spooky foretelling there.

Finally, we go to the conclusion of this quad of 3-win teams losing as we had the DC Brigade of ZombieSkins who had to play on Monday night against the Kansas City KnifeCarvers, who were hungry for a win to keep up with their divisional foes who defeated fellow three-win teams earlier in the week. The Zombies didn’t have their dangerous starting QB in Jayden Daniels available due to a hamstring injury, so they had to rely on the once-great and scary QB known as Marcus Mariota in this game. Against the dangerous Patrick MaHonEs, the DC Brigade did well defensively early on, with a couple of interceptions occurring for their defense. But their offense wasn’t much better, with a dropped pass off the facemask leading to an interception in the red zone and a turnover on downs due to the specter of the virtual measurement system occurring on their first two drives. Both teams managed to get TDs before the end of the half, but in the second half the KnifeCarvers took over with a couple of TD drives in the third quarter and a relentless onslaught on Mariota. In the end, three punts and an interception are all the Zombies were able to muster against KC, who won by a score of 28-7. Now at 3-4, the DC team must move on to play a Sunday night game at their home stadium located outside the capital area against the scary Seattle SamChickenBoilers. So, four teams with three wins all lost on the week before Halloween. That’s a superstitious smorgasbord to eat up there. Hope you’re all satisfied and enjoy your costume holiday, which always occurs for NFL fans during the season.

• Waiting List: New Yuck GlennLins, Miami Dragos, Arizona BloodyBirds, BradyDoors of the Punk Carroll Ark, Losing At Home In Blowout Fashion To AFC Least Teams, Getting Beat On The Road With Another Defensive Injury On Your Ledger, Losing At Home To Your Old Team Whose Fans Invaded Your Current Club’s Stadium, Candy Sugar Rush On Halloween Night, Bad Costume Ideas, The Impending Doom Of “Daylight Savings” Time